2017. What a wild ride. From the very good, (poké bowls!) to the unnecessary (unicorn ANYTHING) it’s been a wild ride. As we inch closer to the end of the year we look back (not so fondly) at the biggest food disasters of 2017.
We’re all about combining food groups to make something beautiful (hello donut fries!) but this is one food trend we just found hard to swallow. Firstly, one of the most beautiful things about a giant bowl of healing pho is – it’s got broth. Take that away and it’s just another bowl of noodles. Wrap that in a tortilla? You’ve just got heartbreak. We don’t care how portable it is – it’s gonna be a no from us dawg.
From Starbucks serving rainbow vomit in guise of an actual beverage to pastel food colouring disasters – we’re 900% done with this unicorn trend. What the good people of the world have to understand is – a unicorn is meant to be a rarity, not smeared over every cupcake on every basic bitches Pinterest bored from here to the end of time. SHUT. IT. DOWN.
Yeah look, they’re great if you’re in the market for a) a freakish headache or b) really keen on a freaking massive sugar comedown. Don’t get us wrong, we love donuts and we LOVE milkshakes, but we just find this Frankenstein’s monster of a creation an abomination. Light your torches kids, it’s time to drive this monstrosity out of town.
We just…. where to begin. Firstly, if we wanted to construct our food ourselves we would have stayed home, where pants are not a requirement and no one judges our portion sizes. From deconstructed tacos and pizzas (it’s called a charcuterie board sweetie) to lattes – this hipster madness needs to stop.
First of all, we have problems with tapas. It’s hard being that person constantly hovering near the kitchen waiting to pounce on the waiter as they bring out a tray of tiny morsels. It’s humiliating piling your napkin high as their face changes from polite boredom to absolute disgust. But micro tapas? Making it smaller? Some people just want to watch the whole world burn.
We’ve washed out hands clean of the above, we suggest you do the same.
Words by Emma Callaghan – the gourmand who refuses to acknowledge serving sizes